Whereas, the police is an institution based on white supremacy, and;

Whereas, white supremacist make ethnic and racial minorities feel threatened on campus, and;

Whereas, some members of the white-supremacist police department are black and this appears to negate the assumption that all police officers are white supremacists thereby posing a threat to the proven narrative that police are white supremacists, and;

Whereas, we don’t want to confuse UC Irvine college students and have them possibly question this white supremacist narrative and not be racist, and;

Whereas, we want to encourage racism at the expense of the human beings who serve us at our local “pigs in a blanket, fry’em like bacon” department, and;

Whereas, many of us would have nothing to do if racism wasn’t an issue on campus because then we’d have to gain new knowledge, think, learn, and actually get to know people by the content of our character and not the color of our skin, as MLK so eloquently stated, and;

Whereas, anyone whose ideas challenge my views is racist, homophobic, xenophobic, coulrophobic, nomophobic, sophophobic, coprophobic, omphalophobic bigots that no one cares about so they should shut up already.

Therefore, let it be resolved that maintaining racism and prejudice will continue to be the standard by which we create and pass legislation as well as use student funds for workshops and lobbying efforts, and;

Let it further be resolved that all black police officers show up to work in White-Face so as not to confuse UCI students or lead them to question any of these narratives or think for themselves, and;

Let it further be resolved that posters and flyers stating that “It’s okay to be a black cop in White-Face” are deemed equally racist, white supremacist, and white nationalist hate speech that should be condemned and banned because we’re not fascist, as “It’s okay to be white” while “It’s okay to be black or brown as long as you aren’t conservative” will not be considered racist, supremacist, or nationalist, and;

Let it further be resolved that any black undergraduate students seeking a career in law enforcement must live as though privileged with whiteness, wearing White-Face 24/7, and join the KKK with the rest of the entire white population who are members by default, and;

Let it further be resolved that if this legislation passes, the office of the EVP will host makeup tutorials, workshops on how to be white, and offer free makeup swag to all attendees because student government isn’t racist or promoting racism in any way, and;

Let it further be resolved that only white people can be racist and if you don’t identify as white, somehow the same exact behavior falls into some different definition or category that doesn’t have equal consequences as we simultaneously fight for equality, similar to affirmative action.   

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This legislation is satire protected under the 1^st amendment. The statements, presentations, and ideas I drew this satirical legislation from here at UC Irvine are not.